A couple of weeks ago I was given the honour of designing and performing the ceremony for beautiful Rubi Anderson. ?Rubi was the only daughter of Lisa and Dave, and is survived by her brothers, Bryon, Eli and Kobe. ?Rubi, Eli and Kobe were triplets. ?When meeting with Lisa and Dave I was so amazed at their bravery. ?Facing their grief, 2 sons still in hospital, Lisa expressing for them, a 4 year old son to love, I really admired how they managed to keep getting out of bed each day. Thankfully they were surrounded by the amazing care team at Royal Brisbane and Womens? Hospital in Brisbane, but most of all an incredibly supportive and loving network of family and friends.
Lisa and Dave had asked the funeral director ? Neil Davis, Simplicity Funerals, Woollongabba, if they could bring Rubi home for her funeral ceremony. ?Neil worked with Lisa and Dave to make this happen for them. ?Upon arriving at the Anderson home I was overwhelmed by the beautiful decoration of their pool-side area. ?The flowers, the balloons, the setting for Rubi?s coffin and the bird theme. ?During their pregnancy Lisa had a baby shower that had birds as a theme, and they had hoped to decorate Rubi?s bedroom with birds. ?When I heard this I decided to have a small ritual together with a poem I had written called the White Feather.
Lisa told me they would be letting balloons go at the end of the ceremony with wishes attached. Over the years I have found that once those balloons are released no-one remembers what was written on those notes. ?I encouraged Lisa and Dave to have people write their wishes on the balloon tag, but also to record them in a journal as a keepsake. ?Before the funeral begun one of their girlfriends assisted everyone there to complete that task.?Each person was encouraged during the ceremony to come up and read out their wish to Lisa and Dave, it wasn?t a task for everyone, but most people managed well, giving Lisa and Dave a hug at the end of the wish. ?At the end of the ceremony everyone let the balloons go all at once.
To assist in the beauty of this ceremony, it was the most perfect weather. ?Warm Queensland day, bright blue skies, dragonflies and butterflies literally flying across the swimming pool in the Anderson?s backyard.
During the ceremony there was also a special moment to give Rubi her names. ?Sometimes a family likes to incorporate a namegiving moment in the ceremony to explain why the beautiful names were selected.
Lisa wrote a beautiful poem for her daughter, and Dave wrote a great story of all of the moments in life he dreamt about having with Rubi. ?Dave read both Lisa?s and his words beautifully and with much courage.
I asked Dave and Lisa to allow me to tell Rubi?s story, as like me, they hope it will help some other family experiencing the significant loss of their baby. ?For me I wanted to show other families how a ceremony at home can be celebrated tastefully and with the warmth of ?being at home?. ?You will notice in the pictures Dave and Lisa sitting with Rubi?s coffin, and they are facing their family and friends. ?For me that photo is so special, so family, so loving, so inspiring.
As a celebrant we are given the honour of celebrating great occasions with families, whether happy or sad. ?When asked ?why would you be a funeral celebrant??, it is actually difficult to explain the reward of serving a family during their grief. ?But it is very rewarding to hope you can contribute to someone?s healing and to farewell another human being with dignity and love.
I would like to thank Dave and Lisa for their generosity in allowing me to show you personal and intimate photos of their family.
Every now and then a couple, or a family sink deep into a celebrant?s heart ? this is my experience of Dave and Lisa. ?I wish them a long and happy life with their 3 beautiful sons, and I know I will join them in never forgetting Rubi Jane Anderson.
If you are a parent, grand-parent, or friend experiencing the significant loss of a baby, be encouraged that other families and support workers are willing to help you.
If you have a story about a ceremony for a little one, please feel welcome to tell me.
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This entry was posted by Beth OBrien on Saturday, October 1st, 2011 at 7:58 am and is filed under Birth and Childhood, Death. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.build build miss usa 2011 miss usa 2011 richard hamilton richard hamilton stevie nicks
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